Thousand Miles
by SamaelYisrael
Summary: What happens to Cody when he becomes suicidal and feels completely alone, without a lover without any friends? Will he find someone to love? Or will he go through with it and end his life?
1. Warmth in the Rain

**Author's note: This is based on a true story. I will soon be joined in writing this by Nixy Angel. This is _my_ first story, but not Nixy Angel's first. Please leave helpful reviews. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

The soft rumble of the rain hitting the window and the distant roar of thunder filled his ears and enveloped him. Only the music pouring from his speakers was audible above the storm. Ahh... their song. "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton. This song had a place in his heart. He loved the rain and the gray-blue darkness of his room during the storm. Laying on his bed, he stared out the window, into oblivion. He noticed his arm was asleep from laying on his side. He hated when that happened. He rolled onto his back, now staring at the ceiling of his room. He thought he might have heard a beep and he jolted upwards to look at the phone in his hand. It was only his imagination. He slowly let himself fall back onto his bed, feeling the sensation of needles as feeling began to return to his arm. His life was only made up of two parts now. Talking to her, and thinking about her. She was his love, his life, his world.

Suddenly, he heard an unmistakable beep and jolted upwards again. He saw the text message notice flashing on his phone. He immediately opened her reply and read, "Hearing you say that is the most incredible thing. You are my life...I would die for you. I would die without you. I don't know how I ever lived without knowing you. I love you so much Cody." He couldn't help but smile ear-to-ear. She was the only person who made him feel anything anymore.

He went back to read his last message he'd sent her. "I miss you already too. And I love you so so much. I just want to be with you more than anything, and hold you at night until the sun comes up. You are my whole world. And I'll always love you. You're the best part of me, the part that shines. I love you."

And he really did love her. More than anything in the world. That's why the next couple weeks would be so hard. His family was going to Florida and he wouldn't have internet access and they both were almost at their cell phone limits. Cody didn't know how he'd survive without her.

He forced himself to get out of bed and move around a little. He went to the bathroom and looked at his face. He always looked pale and sallow after laying down for more than an hour. He ran the sink and splashed some water on his face. He looked up into the mirror. Some of the color had started to return to his face. He'd changed a lot. Now 16, he'd grown taller and was now 5' 9". His face had lengthened too. He was glad. He'd always thought his face was too round. He'd also filled out and had some muscle on him.

Cody walked back into his bedroom and pulled a black shirt over his head. He almost exclusively wore black now. He wasn't emo, but he felt that black suited him. He picked up the phone and began typing. When you have a girlfriend halfway across the country, you can't help but become fast at texting. "Just hearing you say that makes me melt...

And the rain continued to pour. As poured his heart out.


	2. Blackout

**Author's Note: The next few chapters are going to be a big flashback. Thanks for the reviews everybody, they're appreciated**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**

Cody sent the finished message and rolled onto his back again, staring at the calming blue of the ceiling. As he waited for her reply, his thoughts began to drift back towards how he met her...

His eyes opened, but he couldn't see anything. Everything was out of focus. He blinked a few times, but everything was still a blur. He stood up, bracing himself against the wall. As he slid up the wall, he lost his balance and almost fell. Slowly, his head began to clear, and the blurred colors slowly became recognizable shapes. He was in his room, that much he knew. He tried to think back to how he ended up on the floor. He couldn't. He looked at the clock. "SHIT!" he thought. Did he black out?

The clock said 12:30. Had he really just passed out for two hours? He tried to remember, but all he could recall was standing one moment, then the next moment he was opening his eyes in a daze two hours later.

"What's wrong with me?" Cody said to himself. He'd been falling apart. Emotionally _and_ physically. After somewhat regaining his composure, he sat down at his computer. He reached over and shut off the cool, dull lights; surrounding himself in inky blackness.

Cody let himself sink into deep thought, shutting out the world. "Why does it hurt so much? Everybody around me is happy, and has friends, and has people who care about them. Why don't _I_? Why am I so alone?" He stared off into the darkness. Nobody really cared what happened to him anyways.

Cody turned on his computer screen, blinded by the blue light as it bathed the room in it's cool glow. He opened his iTunes and went to his playlists. Which one tonight? Misery? Sorrow? The Edge? Depression? He settled on Loneliness and played it. "My Immortal" began to play as he sat in the dark. He brought up a word processor. He began to write yet another poem of his pain and the darkness that he could not escape as it drowned him.

_As the sun rises every dawn_

_I don my mask and I am gone_

_I hide my sadness and my pain_

_And step into the falling rain_

_Behind this mask my sorrow lives_

_The tears are all my sorrow gives_

_The mask is black as is my mind_

_And 'mongst the tears I start to find_

_I am alone – alone to die_

_I am alone – alone I lie_

_Waiting for what I do not know_

_As I lay herein my lowest low_

_Blackness is all that does surround me_

_Darkness – it is all around me_

_And as the night comes closing in_

_I know that I can never win_

_The pain I carry never wanes_

_My sorrows are like iron chains_

_And no one comes to set me free_

_And no one tries to heal me_

_They look in and they pass me by_

_They pass me by and watch me die_

_And once the mask falls off they see_

_The scars the world has given me_

_They see my sadness and my pain_

_My sadness like the falling rain_

_And there they see me as I lie_

_For they just stood and watched me die_

He finished typing and turned off the screen, still listening to the music. "What reason do I have to live?" he thought. "If I died tonight, not one person would miss me. My parents would feign sadness just because it's what is expected of people. My brother wouldn't really care. He hasn't cared since the start of high school. That was a year ago. I've lost all my friends in one way or another. Even Max, who I'd secretly been in love with, abandoned me and went off with Zack to join the preps of the school. That hurt the most of all. I have nobody. I am alone. Completely and utterly alone. Max had told me she was my best friend and that I was hers. But friends don't abandon each other. Especially at times like this."

He reached over and picked up a knife from the desk and flipped it open. He held it above his arm, ready to cut himself as deeply as he could. "Nobody would miss me if I accidentally cut a vein and bled to death. And nobody would bother to notice the scars if I were to cut myself." And he held the knife there for more than an hour, thinking of how nobody cared about him. And how him cutting himself and nobody noticing would prove that.

But then, Cody heard the door opening and closing and knew that Zack was home from whatever party he had been invited to this weekend. Cody folded the knife and put it away, bracing himself for what he knew was coming in a few moments.


End file.
